None Shall Pass on This Great Toy

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Some coconuts, a loose alliance with the Brave Sir Robin, and perhaps some Spam — and you, yes you, can be King of the Britons. But to do so, you’ll first need to face the invincible black knight in battle. You can’t win. You can cut off his arms and he’ll kick you; you can cut off his legs and he’ll bleed all over you. And maybe bite you. Or taunt you a second time. (Okay, that was someone else.)

At $15, it won’t cost you an arm and a leg.

He Has a Big Mac for a Head

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This may be the best thing ever.

$12 or so on Amazon. Fries not included.

This Isn’t a Dream. Or Is It? That Movie Confused Me.

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If you haven’t seen the movie Inception, this thing makes no sense. So you probably won’t buy it.

If you HAVE seen the movie Inception, this thing makes even LESS sense. Which is why you really, really want one of these things.

About $6.

 

A Rubik’s Cube for the Rubik’s Can’t Crowd

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In 2013, a guy named¬†Feliks Zemdegs set the world record for solving a Rubik’s Cube, achieving the feat in 5.25 seconds (according to some website named “Google” when you type in “world record for solving a rubik’s cube.”) That’s probably because Feliks Zemdegs wasn’t using the, uh, simpler version of the Rubik’s Cube, above. The white side and yellow side are done for you; the blue, green, red, and orange pose a slight challenge.

Warning: do not give it to your spouse unless you want an angry partner.

Eight bucks. That’s like, $1.33 per side.

Because You Can’t Punch Your Boss More Than Once

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Work can be stressful. Punching someone can help, in two ways: one, the physical act of cold-cocking someone is probably a great release of tension and two, you’ll almost certainly be fired and therefore not have to deal with the stresses of work anymore.

Of course, then you’ll not be able to afford any of the other great items featured on this website.

Hmm.

Okay, then, for our sake, please buy this item. And instead of hitting your boss, colleague, or that person who is only in the office for a 30-minute meeting which could have been addressed in a six-word email, punch the bag instead. Our revenue model thanks you.

About $18 on Amazon.

Her Name Isn’t Jan and She Isn’t in Accounting

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Back in 1997, you got that person as your Secret Santa giftee. You know, her. She talks way too loudly on the phone, and it’s never something interesting or important. You know all about her kids’ rashes, her complicated relationship with her parents, and how proud she was of herself when she successfully negotiated $10 off her last oil change. Coal is too obvious of a gift for her. But a bunch of cactuses — cacti, SORRY — is perfect. They’re prickly, just like she is. They’re alive, but you can basically ignore her, er, them. ¬†And they take up valuable space. And they probably smell.

About $10 for a pack of eight.

Enter Your Anger Directly Into Your Computer

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Step 1: Get angry, like the dude on the screen. (That has to be a simulated picture, right? It’s super-clear. Cheaters.)

Step 2: Write a nasty email to someone.

Step 3: Smash the REALLY BIG ENTER KEY to send that email.

Step 4: Immediately regret the decisions.

Step 5: Try to delete the email before the person reads it.

Step 6: Fail. Recipient then becomes angry, reverting to step 1.

Step 7: Let them borrow your REALLY BIG ENTER KEY to make things even.

$16 but in British money.

Perplexus

See that little tiny metal marble? That’s you. The rest of the contraption? A three-dimensional maze, and you have to get through it. You the marble, not you yourself, because the Perplexus doesn’t come with a shrink ray.

Oh, and it’s really freaking hard. Thankfully, it’s pretty hard to smash.

$19.95 on Amazon.